Len's Laws -- a Friday feature

It's late and there is little time, but you all can look for a Friday feature called Len's Laws. The idea is stolen from New Rules by that other guy on HBO.

This week, we'll pick on television.

Len's Law: Television news people are forbidden to use the word, "actually." They seem unable to give a report without that word. Using the word "actually" signifies that the reporter or anchor is surprised by things like crooks being dumb, druggies robbing donut shops (where the cops are) and mayors trying to curry favor with their bases (in New Haven's case, super liberal bike-riders.)

Len's Law: Television weather people are only allowed to promo their forecasts once. After that, they must give the whole forecast, not ask if there will be a foot of snow and say the answer comes at the bottom of the program. This comes after they promoted the forecast at the top of the news show. One promo per news show.

Len's Law: Stop using Chickenman as a promotion. "He's everywhere, he's everywhere" belongs to Chickenman. Channel 3 is not everywhere.

Len's Law: Television channels and cable providers cannot promo themselves during their shows. I'm watching Law & Order; you don't have to tell me to watch Law & Order. If you can't get legitimate advertising spots, then run public service announcements. You're supposed to run them anyway.

Finally, Len's Law. Jon Stewart has to stop saying he's Jewish. He's not. Maybe he was born Jewish, but he has relinquished his right to tell anybody about this Jewish roots because of his backstabbing of Israel and anything really Jewish. He criticizes Israel for what's going on in the West Bank and Gaza, but says nothing about what's going on in Sudan, Chad, a half-dozen former Soviet republics, just about every Arab country in the Middle East and North Africa (Egypt and Morocco excepted). Jon carps at the United Nations, but acts just like the U.N. Israel is held to a higher standard, the one U.N. member forbidden to join the Security Council, but expected to live by its rules.

Have a great weekend and for those in the Tribe: a great Shabbat.

Until next time...